And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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