if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
