I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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