just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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