If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I still have a little drunk in my system
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
