The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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