She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
