Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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