I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
