The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
