i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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