Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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