I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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