you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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