I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
