Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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