are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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