I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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