Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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