Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He better not be in your backpack
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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