i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
