oh god the rape fog is back!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wear drunk well.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
