I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
