Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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