I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
