dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
