guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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