you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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