90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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