Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
