Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
