I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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