areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
