Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
