you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
