hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
