Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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