that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
