I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
ok first of all what the fuck
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