She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
