after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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