fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When are your genitals available?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
