Having a random hookup so left but love u
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
