respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
