Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
