Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
