Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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