I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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