Sry I called you an 8
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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