Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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