I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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