I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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