Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
