A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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