Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
