sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
