wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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