Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
