He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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