i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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